Better get those calendars changed as it seems that summer is no longer in June but now the 23rd of March. Time to kick spring back on the boat it illegally came over on and praise the god that is the Sun for this is what it seems to be like today when you go outside. The sound of bass is forcing it's way out of young hipsters cars like a varicose vein that is breaking out of your skin and the sight of shirtless morons is enough to make any pasty slim Jim feel like they've entered a modeling shot and should take their mash potato like figure back to the land of sense. Summer is in fact the most stupid of all seasons for humans as it's when they decide life is great again and flap about like they've just been accepted to Heaven on a scholarship. You spend your nights sweating until you have to empty your mattress like a sponge and un-stick yourself from your pillow as your too hot to move another inch. But don't worry cause your day is a consent wave of heat burning your eyes like butter until all you can do is lay in a chair hoping the weather man says that the ice age is coming back.
But of course this isn't true it is indeed Spring and the Easter eggs from a bunny rabbit are on their way. As that's how Jesus want's us to remember his birth, chocolate eggs? Oh well I'm sure that makes sense in a reality where Piers Morgan is famous, Lady Gaga is called a musician and Jordon and Peter Andrea are famous for doing nothing, right? But what doesn't make sense is that when you step out into the sunshine it's still cold. It may look nice from your office window of despair but once you face it it's colder than the freezer of Mr.Freeze. Yet I saw people prancing about topless showing off their man muscles, why? I wore a jumper all day as it was that cold. They also decided to attack their legs with shorts, SHORTS! It's March you fools, this isn't Spain put some normal clothes on and go to work with the grown ups. But at least they weren't wearing sandals, wait what's that on your feet? You've got to be kidding me wear shoes you ass. I see no point in sandals while walking down the town, unless your town is made up only of sand and sea other than turds and chewing gum. But it seems it has started and people will head to the beach where dirt meets water and people lay their letting cancer attack their naked bodies. While people blast out the radio with songs you hate on and fat people happily get half naked and stand next to you while your trying to read a book in the blistering heat.
I wonder if all this love of the sun has come from Professor Brain Cox's Wonders of the Universe, a TV show so unbelievably awesome that if you try to understand a full episode at once your brain has to be taken out and given shock therapy just to remember how to see again. If you haven't seen it get on the iplayer and check out the D:ream star explain the Wonders (of the Universe) that are going on away from our center that we call Earth. It is an enlightening look at the world around us showing the beauty and complexity of the Universe we live in. Also another quick jab at TV when i was about to say goodbye to my parents the other night they had Eastenders on. The hum drum happy go luckily soap that makes even a serious illness scared for the fear of how depressing life can be. But the exact words i heard as i walked in was this. "IVF, Steak and Kidney pie, Same thing init". Now i have no idea what this means but it seems that cockney life is much more complex than i first thought. Maybe the writers had never heard East Londoners before so they just hang out listening to them in pubs and got two conversions mixed up. I wonder what great dialogue we will hear in the coming weeks. Tigers eat only 2 packets of Salt and vinegar crisps, people get pregnant through Wayne Rooney's goal and the evolution of man started from the boobs on page 3.
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