Now if like me when the 6 o'clock news rolls around you like to sit like a child at a cabinet of sweets waiting to get your hands on something good. But if you have ever tried to sit and watch channel fives idea of news Live at Studio Five(channel 5) then you know that your brain is no more part of humanity and that you need a heavy dose of Hollyoaks just to remember that it could be worse, or could it?
Live at Studio Five is to news as a knife to groan is to foreplay. It can't decide if Cheryl Cole is amazing or great and if her dress this week on the X-factor is better than last week and if it's not the amuse she having some sort of break down at home and doesn't look more fake than a fight scene in [insert any soap here]. But never fear ITV will save you with it's top shows like The X-Factor (ITV) or Take Me Out (ITV).
If you are unfamiliar with the format of The X-factor where have you been on a Saturday night, out with real human beings learning about important information you could use in your daily life? The show drags in members of the public and abuses them till they find a winner by letting you the public pick your favorite idiot until their given Christmas number one just for laughs. The problem i find is not so much the talent, as some of these people can actually sing, what the down right crap stirrer is that they are abused and used all the way through the final with crazy life treating music as if the most important thing in our lives is to be famous for singing songs because remember its all our dream. But don't worry every paper will follow their every move like how they like fish or how many times they've combed their hair and if they like or love Cheryl, up until their shunned out of the limelight and you never hear of them again. But this is now over so now people will have to get back on with life wondering what to do without this karaoke night TV, maybe buy a real song but then that means getting of the sofa.
Another down right poke you in the nuts and look at our much of a loser this guy is show is Take Me Out where a line of 20 half wit woman pull all their brains together to sum up weather or not they will go on a date with a strange man who turns up with his impressive skills. Some so impressive you may drop you husband in awe at these men like Kung Fu, dancing, midget tossing, cry, looking like a twat and cheating on you with you mum. Some of these may not be their skills but their damn well trying at them. It seems that ITV's entire format is just pointing and laughing at people and then voting off the one they can't stare at any longer than if they were looking at the sun while a tiger is slowly clawing at the genitals to make a new dish.
But its not all gags and trickery on TV some shows are so far beyond clever you end up looking into a black hole of knowledge wondering where your brain has gone. University Challenege (BBC) is a show where the average question is spat on and a group of spotty young people answer questions that no matter how they were written out you'd be asking for a pass or stabbing your eyes out with the pencil. The questions range from difficult to are you mad woman asking contestants sure odd things as where a painter lived, died, was born, saw a toad, ate fish, thought about a woman for the forth time and all must be answered in Greek while spinning in a circle throwing darts at a pig covered if sweets contacting the answers. The show is hosted by Jeremy Paxman a man so smug that every time one of the challengers gets a question wrong he looks at you like you've not only told him you raped his mother but how you did it and that you are infact his father traveling through time raping all of his family and that he is the last one left on your list.
But if all this hurts your mind like an afternoon watching Pier Morgan grin about how rich and great he feels he is then their always time to enter The Gadget Show (Channel 5) competition where they give out more treats than Gary Glitter and a child's party. [Note to self, enter competition as i need 5 TV's]
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