Better get those calendars changed as it seems that summer is no longer in June but now the 23rd of March. Time to kick spring back on the boat it illegally came over on and praise the god that is the Sun for this is what it seems to be like today when you go outside. The sound of bass is forcing it's way out of young hipsters cars like a varicose vein that is breaking out of your skin and the sight of shirtless morons is enough to make any pasty slim Jim feel like they've entered a modeling shot and should take their mash potato like figure back to the land of sense. Summer is in fact the most stupid of all seasons for humans as it's when they decide life is great again and flap about like they've just been accepted to Heaven on a scholarship. You spend your nights sweating until you have to empty your mattress like a sponge and un-stick yourself from your pillow as your too hot to move another inch. But don't worry cause your day is a consent wave of heat burning your eyes like butter until all you can do is lay in a chair hoping the weather man says that the ice age is coming back.
But of course this isn't true it is indeed Spring and the Easter eggs from a bunny rabbit are on their way. As that's how Jesus want's us to remember his birth, chocolate eggs? Oh well I'm sure that makes sense in a reality where Piers Morgan is famous, Lady Gaga is called a musician and Jordon and Peter Andrea are famous for doing nothing, right? But what doesn't make sense is that when you step out into the sunshine it's still cold. It may look nice from your office window of despair but once you face it it's colder than the freezer of Mr.Freeze. Yet I saw people prancing about topless showing off their man muscles, why? I wore a jumper all day as it was that cold. They also decided to attack their legs with shorts, SHORTS! It's March you fools, this isn't Spain put some normal clothes on and go to work with the grown ups. But at least they weren't wearing sandals, wait what's that on your feet? You've got to be kidding me wear shoes you ass. I see no point in sandals while walking down the town, unless your town is made up only of sand and sea other than turds and chewing gum. But it seems it has started and people will head to the beach where dirt meets water and people lay their letting cancer attack their naked bodies. While people blast out the radio with songs you hate on and fat people happily get half naked and stand next to you while your trying to read a book in the blistering heat.
I wonder if all this love of the sun has come from Professor Brain Cox's Wonders of the Universe, a TV show so unbelievably awesome that if you try to understand a full episode at once your brain has to be taken out and given shock therapy just to remember how to see again. If you haven't seen it get on the iplayer and check out the D:ream star explain the Wonders (of the Universe) that are going on away from our center that we call Earth. It is an enlightening look at the world around us showing the beauty and complexity of the Universe we live in. Also another quick jab at TV when i was about to say goodbye to my parents the other night they had Eastenders on. The hum drum happy go luckily soap that makes even a serious illness scared for the fear of how depressing life can be. But the exact words i heard as i walked in was this. "IVF, Steak and Kidney pie, Same thing init". Now i have no idea what this means but it seems that cockney life is much more complex than i first thought. Maybe the writers had never heard East Londoners before so they just hang out listening to them in pubs and got two conversions mixed up. I wonder what great dialogue we will hear in the coming weeks. Tigers eat only 2 packets of Salt and vinegar crisps, people get pregnant through Wayne Rooney's goal and the evolution of man started from the boobs on page 3.
If you have come across this rant of a blog through PHADcast then hello to you, hope you enjoyed it and if you've never heard of PHADcast get looking on facebook and like it and click on the link and get listening to my new podcast with my friend Ad where i rant like this but use music to give me time to breath.
Tweet at @Pippy_Pipatron
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Thursday, 17 March 2011
Boobs are heroes for immigrants benefit's in the credit crunch....
As you could of guessed the news this week was filled (and still is) of the terrible tragedy happening in Japan where as you should know an 8.9 earthquake hit as well as 20 aftershocks. To which after that a tsunami decided to show up and clear away anything else and then to make sure that they really got the hint all three nuclear power stations are on high alert with leaks and explosions. Geez what next God a meteor to the face? a cat that can't die? Pier's Morgan? NO i think they've had more than enough. Anyway if you didn't know this then you clearly have been living under, around or in a rock as it is everywhere and as you can guess it is a terrible thing to happen before you think I am a begrudged Dr.Evil type. Now every news station it seemed had the same 30 second loop going around of water destroying homes, roads and forming whirlpool's like when you spin a spoon really fast in a glass of water and you think your in twister. My news of choice (and i say choice in the same way i choose to work to earn money) was Sky News, which has a much more American fear tacit way of telling the story with the main forces being it could reach the USA. Even showing us live shots of beaches in Hawaii, going LOOK! The WAVES! THEIR GETTING! A BIT FASTER! EVERYONE RUN! But in real terms they were fine and Mr. Bolton should calm down about his love for the USA and focus on the matter at hand, remember the Japanese already got hit. You know the ones over their!
So after learning the facts Sky news happily showed images of Japan and where the quakes had hit. Then graphics of Japan and how many hours before America got hit after which back to the footage of the waves with some sort of hammer horror style music but reminding us more tsunami news coming soon. It all felt like some sort of a The Osbourne's style show, following the tsunami around like a stalker seeing where it's going, what shoes it likes the most and if it will go for Christmas number one this year.Anyway after the back and forth elements that make you hurl endlessly into your own lungs you get pretty diagrams of what an earthquake looks like underwater, what a nuclear planet is, what area got flooded first. Oh wait where hearing more people are dead, what does this mean Adam Bolton, well it's bad, and back to more footage of Japanese people looking scared when the ground shakes. It seems that the news has become it's own reality TV show and now rather than dealing with these tragic issues they just parade around the area pointing cameras and hoping for the worst out come like a season of Big Brother, rather than actually helping them in a time of need.
It was also good to see The newspapers handle this story with care, showing many of the same pictures, death toll's and diagrams of the nuclear power planet that if you were to just flick the pages in all the papers together you might think your watching a flip book movie. But it was The Sun who ruled all after their page three lady spoke of poets and intellect that make me wonder why she has to get her boobs out for money. You would then flip to page six where in big half page letters they had the headline GODZILLA! GODZILLA! Now I'm no expect but isn't that a bit raciest? I mean a whole nation is in morning and the only way you feel you can explain it to your reading viewers is by going look they run away like they do in those Godzilla movies, Haha remember. Haha silly Japanese Haha. Oh look their running from that wave, Haha. Oh boobs will make it better. I seriously believe that the nation is so bored of news that the only reason they read the sun is because it's 20p and if builders don't have a paper with them at all time they can't look at pictures while on the loo or drinking tea. It should be on the same rack as OK, Now, Jam, Bizz and Flip Flap. Better still they could write it by putting all their favorite words like, Hero, immigrants, benefit's, credit crunch and boobs into a bucket and just arrange stories together using that. No one would notice and it would save them time......wait a second.....Boobs are heroes for immigrants benefit's in the credit crunch....
Tweet me @Pippy_Pipatron
Tweet someone else at their twitter account..
So after learning the facts Sky news happily showed images of Japan and where the quakes had hit. Then graphics of Japan and how many hours before America got hit after which back to the footage of the waves with some sort of hammer horror style music but reminding us more tsunami news coming soon. It all felt like some sort of a The Osbourne's style show, following the tsunami around like a stalker seeing where it's going, what shoes it likes the most and if it will go for Christmas number one this year.Anyway after the back and forth elements that make you hurl endlessly into your own lungs you get pretty diagrams of what an earthquake looks like underwater, what a nuclear planet is, what area got flooded first. Oh wait where hearing more people are dead, what does this mean Adam Bolton, well it's bad, and back to more footage of Japanese people looking scared when the ground shakes. It seems that the news has become it's own reality TV show and now rather than dealing with these tragic issues they just parade around the area pointing cameras and hoping for the worst out come like a season of Big Brother, rather than actually helping them in a time of need.
It was also good to see The newspapers handle this story with care, showing many of the same pictures, death toll's and diagrams of the nuclear power planet that if you were to just flick the pages in all the papers together you might think your watching a flip book movie. But it was The Sun who ruled all after their page three lady spoke of poets and intellect that make me wonder why she has to get her boobs out for money. You would then flip to page six where in big half page letters they had the headline GODZILLA! GODZILLA! Now I'm no expect but isn't that a bit raciest? I mean a whole nation is in morning and the only way you feel you can explain it to your reading viewers is by going look they run away like they do in those Godzilla movies, Haha remember. Haha silly Japanese Haha. Oh look their running from that wave, Haha. Oh boobs will make it better. I seriously believe that the nation is so bored of news that the only reason they read the sun is because it's 20p and if builders don't have a paper with them at all time they can't look at pictures while on the loo or drinking tea. It should be on the same rack as OK, Now, Jam, Bizz and Flip Flap. Better still they could write it by putting all their favorite words like, Hero, immigrants, benefit's, credit crunch and boobs into a bucket and just arrange stories together using that. No one would notice and it would save them time......wait a second.....Boobs are heroes for immigrants benefit's in the credit crunch....
Tweet me @Pippy_Pipatron
Tweet someone else at their twitter account..
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
Finally a bit of logic
Being Random, it's easy to do right? Well not so according to those pesky scientists as they say that all thought that is stored in your brain through your life such as images, words and moments are all prepackage into your brain like a straight to DVD Danny Dyer film and maybe accessed at any moment of random stupidity. The only real thing that can be random is a computer as it doesn't have any connection to any words, numbers or places and would not subconsciously favor them over other things. So you may think your a random genius but really it's easy, banana, Oxford, Duck Soup, a nut, 4 thieving midgets from mars and Tom Jones. See done and dusted. But you may wonder why I am trying to sound like a PhD in dick all, well after watching Wonders Of The Universe (BBC1) i can't help but think that i need to upgrade my brain with really knowledge rather than pub facts and how many times they say the f word in South Park the movie (217 for those in the know). The show is hosted by ex pop star (of D:ream, oh yes that group) Professor Brian Cox who seems to be the pin up of physicists. He doesn't resemble the normal look and following that comes with say Stephen Hawking but does manage to engage and explain knowledge that too you and me is just letters on a page of dots.
It was while watching this show that something really struck me in the forehead. As he explains about ancient civilizations and how they measured the sun, about the infinite size of the universe, the birth and death of stars and the fact that the overall reason for the universe is to create life i began to ponder the thought of creation. So after I got this into my average brain I thought you know what this really backs up my idea that all religion is wrong. Now i know that right now, if you are of a faith you will be thinking I'm an idiot or i can't prove anything and blah blah blah but wait listen to these three things that disprove, in my eyes, all religion. First of all i just want to state that i don't feel that this disproves the idea of god but only any form of religion as i feel God means creator and thus something is the creator maybe even the universe itself if God but i shouldn't pray to it as it doesn't have a conscious. Oh yes the anger is now a heavy hitting fact based clever clogs.
First of all, all religions and religious texts claim the earth was created by a supreme being so many years ago but as we know the earth is many thousands of years old which all the major religions disagree with. Getting dates wrong is fine but with this new found knowledge they should then change how they think, i.e the Earth isn't 2000 old to maybe God made the Earth millions of years ago and the universe and sand and jam etc. As we know through the findings of ancient civilizations and dinosaur remains that before any of these religions took place their was life on the earth and if you don't think dinosaurs ever were here then don't bother me anymore with anything, As they did and are cool. So cool that if i could I'd have a pet and ride it to work everyday. But until that happens I'll just use my car.
Secondly, it was recently in the news that a Muslim preacher was sent death treats for stating that woman should be allowed to show their hair and that he believes the Darwin theory of evolution. To which it seems people thought he meant that Adam and Eve's parent's were monkeys. He said it was part of God's plan. Finally a bit of logic in Religion but no he is shunned. How can we as a species move on when we are living with outdated theories and specializations with no evidence and where woman are still treated like animals. If you are religious then that is fine but when facts are made that show that somethings in your religion doesn't make sense maybe try to understand them and move forward. Don't threaten them and state they never speak again. Now I do not believe in any of it but I try not to judge people who believe in these things and hope i can still get on with them and live happy lives as long as it doesn't effect me directly. I don't threaten to murder people who love God I just let them be. Maybe it's time you let woman have rights as they have as much right to be alive and free as you do.
Finally, i have read many religious texts and have tried to understand it but i just don't it is all bollocks. Noah, burning bushes, killing your own son to please yourself. If God is real then he/she/it clearly doesn't care what we do and if you pray to him he wouldn't answer your pray as this would go against his divine plan and remember he gave us free will so in that sense he controls nothing. So when people believe God will provide he doesn't you provide he watch's you that's it, like a kid with an ant farm he just watches us. Also he watches people suffer, die slowly and painfully all in his name and for his pleasure so even if he is real I don't want to worship him i would rather just be nice, try and hard and hope that i achieve everything i can with my life.
I promise next week will be a pointless dribble of anger but this week is this stupid more upper-class snobbishness of smut.
Any thoughts of angry posts send via twitter: @Pippy_pipatron
It was while watching this show that something really struck me in the forehead. As he explains about ancient civilizations and how they measured the sun, about the infinite size of the universe, the birth and death of stars and the fact that the overall reason for the universe is to create life i began to ponder the thought of creation. So after I got this into my average brain I thought you know what this really backs up my idea that all religion is wrong. Now i know that right now, if you are of a faith you will be thinking I'm an idiot or i can't prove anything and blah blah blah but wait listen to these three things that disprove, in my eyes, all religion. First of all i just want to state that i don't feel that this disproves the idea of god but only any form of religion as i feel God means creator and thus something is the creator maybe even the universe itself if God but i shouldn't pray to it as it doesn't have a conscious. Oh yes the anger is now a heavy hitting fact based clever clogs.
First of all, all religions and religious texts claim the earth was created by a supreme being so many years ago but as we know the earth is many thousands of years old which all the major religions disagree with. Getting dates wrong is fine but with this new found knowledge they should then change how they think, i.e the Earth isn't 2000 old to maybe God made the Earth millions of years ago and the universe and sand and jam etc. As we know through the findings of ancient civilizations and dinosaur remains that before any of these religions took place their was life on the earth and if you don't think dinosaurs ever were here then don't bother me anymore with anything, As they did and are cool. So cool that if i could I'd have a pet and ride it to work everyday. But until that happens I'll just use my car.
Secondly, it was recently in the news that a Muslim preacher was sent death treats for stating that woman should be allowed to show their hair and that he believes the Darwin theory of evolution. To which it seems people thought he meant that Adam and Eve's parent's were monkeys. He said it was part of God's plan. Finally a bit of logic in Religion but no he is shunned. How can we as a species move on when we are living with outdated theories and specializations with no evidence and where woman are still treated like animals. If you are religious then that is fine but when facts are made that show that somethings in your religion doesn't make sense maybe try to understand them and move forward. Don't threaten them and state they never speak again. Now I do not believe in any of it but I try not to judge people who believe in these things and hope i can still get on with them and live happy lives as long as it doesn't effect me directly. I don't threaten to murder people who love God I just let them be. Maybe it's time you let woman have rights as they have as much right to be alive and free as you do.
Finally, i have read many religious texts and have tried to understand it but i just don't it is all bollocks. Noah, burning bushes, killing your own son to please yourself. If God is real then he/she/it clearly doesn't care what we do and if you pray to him he wouldn't answer your pray as this would go against his divine plan and remember he gave us free will so in that sense he controls nothing. So when people believe God will provide he doesn't you provide he watch's you that's it, like a kid with an ant farm he just watches us. Also he watches people suffer, die slowly and painfully all in his name and for his pleasure so even if he is real I don't want to worship him i would rather just be nice, try and hard and hope that i achieve everything i can with my life.
I promise next week will be a pointless dribble of anger but this week is this stupid more upper-class snobbishness of smut.
Any thoughts of angry posts send via twitter: @Pippy_pipatron
Thursday, 3 March 2011
A monkey telling you to save the planet by throwing eggs at a typewriter until it re-writers the bible with every other word being hamster?
Good morning, have a nice dream? Something crazy no doubt. A monkey telling you to save the planet by throwing eggs at a typewriter until it re-writers the bible with every other word being hamster? No well your just not using your brain to its full ability so stop sitting their reading this and start dreaming higher!
Now Let's talk about your dreams, no not them dreams. Tell me about your aspirations. You want to be thin, an actor, happily married and have beautiful kids while living in the perfect neighborhood. Well that sounds 100% normal who doesn't want that. Well it's not. We live in a world where, due to the media, we have made our dreams impossible to reach. If you think you will one day "be happy" then maybe think again until you have learned you never stop dreaming.
First of all girls magazines, like Grazia and OK and all those shitty magazines that either talk about fashion or about how celebs are awesome and are living the greatest lives ever. Look at their homes and their partners, look at them, you want that don't you and look they all look super thin and looking age 20 at 40 with no surgery and their happier than you with you normal job and boyfriend who is just an average man without a six pack. See they show pictures of woman that have be digital altered to look "perfect" and this has become the acceptable look of what is beautiful when really it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for any woman to naturally look like that without surgery or computers to enhance every picture. Before when magazine and T.v showed woman it was at least possible look like them, even if this doesn't matter being famous is not important, but now the bar is so high the only way to reach it is to stand on 100 elephants, get a step ladder and stretch until your arms pop out of joint.
Next is fame, it seems fame is more important than anything these days. Do you remember doctors? No not Dr. House, REAL doctors who save lives and have to make life changing decisions everyday. No okay better go back to watching ER or Holby City. It is a sad world where we admire and look up to people like Jordon or Kerry Katona who do nothing with their lives other than be twats and strive their whole lives for media attention when their are great people out their like doctors and policemen and writers and even people you know who live near you who are much better role models than these bints we see on TV. Even footballers are twats yet we are meant to care when one of them shags someone else and has a kid when all that really matters is that they kick a ball in a net at the right time. The point is being famous isn't important it doesn't make life better, even famous people aren't happy but Mr.Media keeps punching you in the face with how they are. Their lives are just like yours partying, friends and a job it's just people take photos of theirs and they get paid a hell of a lot more money.
Finally dreams, we all have them. Things in life we wish to achieve. But we all think that being a TV star, Movie god or rock star is what we want to be. Probably why their are 3 million wannabes in L.A trying to "make it" as it's their dream. The show that has helped to fill people brains with the idea of dreams is The X-Factor (ITV) where every single one of the hapless loser whose dream is to be a famous singer, even the 12 years old's whose dreams all their lives was to do this. Your 12 your dream should be to run up a hill and eat lots of chocolate not these deluded ideas of fame and singing where you are just a giant media campaign to make people money with generic music and the model look (Susan Boyle excluded who is on the other scale where they use their own sense of smuttiness and looking down at people too sell a woman who just likes to sing). Any job can be your dream job if it makes you happy, but you never will be because you will get bored in the end of doing the same thing and will want more. Even once you achieve your dreams you add more and keep wanting more and more until the day you die and then you die with a dream which might be to see your son again or play one last game of golf.
So just live your life whatever way you want and don't buy these crappy gossip magazines and maybe they will stop printing this dribble. You be happy as remember the only person in life you ever have to please is yourself. Hmm this is getting a bit to deep, Boobs!
On a different subject if you have some spare money you don't need this month please donate it to comic relief, here is my friends page if you wish to help her or just in general help:
http://my.rednoseday.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=348350
And i'm still on the twitter so follow me for more fun and winning life aspects @Pippy_Pipatron
Now Let's talk about your dreams, no not them dreams. Tell me about your aspirations. You want to be thin, an actor, happily married and have beautiful kids while living in the perfect neighborhood. Well that sounds 100% normal who doesn't want that. Well it's not. We live in a world where, due to the media, we have made our dreams impossible to reach. If you think you will one day "be happy" then maybe think again until you have learned you never stop dreaming.
First of all girls magazines, like Grazia and OK and all those shitty magazines that either talk about fashion or about how celebs are awesome and are living the greatest lives ever. Look at their homes and their partners, look at them, you want that don't you and look they all look super thin and looking age 20 at 40 with no surgery and their happier than you with you normal job and boyfriend who is just an average man without a six pack. See they show pictures of woman that have be digital altered to look "perfect" and this has become the acceptable look of what is beautiful when really it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for any woman to naturally look like that without surgery or computers to enhance every picture. Before when magazine and T.v showed woman it was at least possible look like them, even if this doesn't matter being famous is not important, but now the bar is so high the only way to reach it is to stand on 100 elephants, get a step ladder and stretch until your arms pop out of joint.
Next is fame, it seems fame is more important than anything these days. Do you remember doctors? No not Dr. House, REAL doctors who save lives and have to make life changing decisions everyday. No okay better go back to watching ER or Holby City. It is a sad world where we admire and look up to people like Jordon or Kerry Katona who do nothing with their lives other than be twats and strive their whole lives for media attention when their are great people out their like doctors and policemen and writers and even people you know who live near you who are much better role models than these bints we see on TV. Even footballers are twats yet we are meant to care when one of them shags someone else and has a kid when all that really matters is that they kick a ball in a net at the right time. The point is being famous isn't important it doesn't make life better, even famous people aren't happy but Mr.Media keeps punching you in the face with how they are. Their lives are just like yours partying, friends and a job it's just people take photos of theirs and they get paid a hell of a lot more money.
Finally dreams, we all have them. Things in life we wish to achieve. But we all think that being a TV star, Movie god or rock star is what we want to be. Probably why their are 3 million wannabes in L.A trying to "make it" as it's their dream. The show that has helped to fill people brains with the idea of dreams is The X-Factor (ITV) where every single one of the hapless loser whose dream is to be a famous singer, even the 12 years old's whose dreams all their lives was to do this. Your 12 your dream should be to run up a hill and eat lots of chocolate not these deluded ideas of fame and singing where you are just a giant media campaign to make people money with generic music and the model look (Susan Boyle excluded who is on the other scale where they use their own sense of smuttiness and looking down at people too sell a woman who just likes to sing). Any job can be your dream job if it makes you happy, but you never will be because you will get bored in the end of doing the same thing and will want more. Even once you achieve your dreams you add more and keep wanting more and more until the day you die and then you die with a dream which might be to see your son again or play one last game of golf.
So just live your life whatever way you want and don't buy these crappy gossip magazines and maybe they will stop printing this dribble. You be happy as remember the only person in life you ever have to please is yourself. Hmm this is getting a bit to deep, Boobs!
On a different subject if you have some spare money you don't need this month please donate it to comic relief, here is my friends page if you wish to help her or just in general help:
http://my.rednoseday.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=348350
And i'm still on the twitter so follow me for more fun and winning life aspects @Pippy_Pipatron
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