I like nothing more than to relax in a hot steamy bath while reading a good book. The hot water relaxing my muscles making my body sweat out fat that drips down me like that of a McDonald's milkshake. I need resting most weekends, but after this weekend I am in need of some serious relaxation after the world didn't end.
As most people are probably aware of at the time of writing this, the rapture was on the 21st Of May 2011. This weekend was meant to be the rapture, the end of the world, the goodbye to work and hello to fire but of course it never happened. Why did it never happen you ask? Was God feeling nice, did he just want too keep Justin Beiber on Earth a little longer or was it a giant money making scheme, who can tell. All i know is the bath helped Monday morning.
A few weeks before the decided date at 6pm on Saturday a man by the righteous name of Harold Camping predicted the end of the world. I'm sure your wondering how did he predicted such an event. Mathematical calculations? Astrology? A Ouija board? Nope he just read the Bible and guested that's how. Now this wouldn't be much of a shame if he was the only one doing it, standing in a wheat field with a cone on his head but it seems the whole world believed this man. A reported 200 million followed O'Holy Harold who also predicted the end of the world in 1994 but erm well we won't mention that will we.
This time Harold came prepared with money, lots of money. Sent to him by his sheep like idiots, I mean followers which he spent on Billboards and signs telling everyone to wave goodbye to Sunday morning because God's doing a recall.
Now its not the fact that Mr camping looks like a shaved ball sac and having the emotional expressions of a dead haddock that makes me hate him. Its his overall scheme that makes me want to get him and Derek Acroa in a room and compare there giant wards of cash. It makes you want to start a cult of your own just to help pay the bills. In fact I might start my own where we all follow the clouds, as these are the tears of the damned and by giving my money and sitting in a bin every Thursday you too can save them and not end up a cloud of thought.
Its also the fact you can not win with these people. As the event clearly didn't happen then you would think they would dis-believe in God or at least the crazed cult of Harold but no they all claimed that God is once again testing us and is letting us live. Which on the same logic I can state that tomorrow I'm going to murder everyone in the world with just a spoon and then come Saturday state I wasn't going to do it I was just testing everyone too see they'd believe me.
I feel sorry for the kids of the family who gathered together to be sucked away into dust when all they wanted to do was play. But oh well now they can keep on living without anymore worries. Except that their parents don't have jobs. As it seems many left theirs. Why? Who knows, maybe because if you were gonna die anyway you'd quite your job just to be safe in case they want you back in on Monday.
But in all this darkness and ugly faced lying there was a happy side. An atheist and entrepreneur from New Hampshire, got a rise in business for Eternal Earth-bound Pets, which he set up to look after the pets of those who believe they will be raptured.
He had more than 250 clients who are paying up to $135 (£83) to have their pets picked up and cared for after the rapture. He then told the Wall Street Journal like a genius that his clients would be let down twice come Monday, "Once because they weren't raptured and again because I don't do refunds." Now is a clever business scheme. Bath anyone?
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